PERRINATOR.COM

OMG! I have not been updating my blog for a week! Sigh…well, my workload for the past few days were simply too much. Plus, I just don’t have the mood to do anything at all. I am constantly hounded by the thoughts of painful injection and other surgical tools that will be used to remove the farting corn if I can gather enough guts to go for it! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

Anyway, election fever is indeed reaching the supernova temperature. Have you cast your vote? Well, I do hope you choose wisely. It won’t change the world but at least it’ll change your life a little. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, vote…vote for one of the following parties…

OH. MY. GAWD. You wouldn’t freakin’ believe this! Laugh all you want, or go slam your head against the brick wall. What happened yesterday was…well…let me get straight to the point…brace yourself…

The doctor did NOT perform any laser surgery to remove my corn because he saw the fear in me was overwhelming! He said, “Oh no no no, I don’t want my patient to be scared like that. Every time you see me, you’re like an opera singer and do that Aaaahh Eeeeee Ohhhh thing.”

He chuckled and I frowned. He took a look at my corn again, and said, “It’s pretty thick. Tell you what, I’ll give you a very powerful cream to apply for a week, and it should get the corn to fall out just like that. Come see me then. I’ll cut it out.” Again, I did that Aaaahh Eeeeee Ohhhh thing when I heard the word ‘cut’.

Why didn’t he give me that powerful cream when I first met him?! Why now?! He knew I was extremely scared of injection when I first met him! Sigh…now I’m really torn in between trusting him or Dr. McAussie. But part of my brain and my heart kept encouraging me to trust Dr. McAussie since he is the foot specialist.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I left the clinic, still pondering whether to apply the cream or meet up with Dr. McAussie a month later for a follow-up. While I’m struggling to make a final decision (that would probably never end!), here’s what would have happened if I undergo the laser surgery yesterday…

I was pretty shocked that my mother called me at work today and told me that my sister wanted to make an appointment with the second doctor I’d consulted (before I was being referred to McAussie) because her corn (yes, she had it a few months back too) had begun sending excruciating signals to her brain.

I thought, hey, since she was determined to get rid of the corn the fast way, why not join her? At least I have company! We were supposed to go together tomorrow…But holliee baloney! My mother text me a few hours later, saying that she and my sister were already there at the clinic!!! Fart!!! She explained that she couldn’t stand the pain, hence, couldn’t wait till tomorrow. Dang!

My concentration level had dropped to -50. I couldn’t work. I frowned a lot. I fidgeted. I even called up the clinic again to ask whether they have laughing gas or not. None. There were like a million reasons I tried to conjure up in my head, to convince myself that it will be okay. So, here’s the list of reasons that I managed to think of:

1. Giving birth is a LOT more painful and scary!
<* Perrinator dives for cover before a heavily pregnant woman chokes the life out of her *>

2. I will be able to do aerobics and dancing to shed off the extra layer of fats due to my immobility for more than five months. Yay!

3. I don’t have to limp nor walk like a duck anymore (meaning, I can walk like a HUMAN!)

4. I can take my boy out for a walk with my strong foot.

5. I don’t have to step on the accelerator pedal with my left foot when driving.

6. I can SWIM! YES!!!

7. My friend’s husband had a corn bigger than mine (wait, scratch that! He took a look at my corn before and said “Surely yours is bigger and you will require stitches after the surgery”. Fart)

8. I have a friend who had countless operation on her BRAIN and SURVIVED.

9. The initial jab will sting for a second.
<* However, Perrinator hopes that it’ll be a millisecond! *>

10. Giving birth is a LOT more painful and scary!

<* Perrinator hides in a safe place, far far away from the pregnant woman due to give birth next month…*>

Sigh…whatever…I still have to go through the ordeal. I think I’d scream till the cows come home. Wait a sec, I live in a city. There’s no cow here! I’d scream till I shatter every window in a building. Ah, now that sounds better.

Anyway, peeps, do pray for me, even if you don’t have a religion!

Some of you may slam your skull against the wall after reading this…well…I did NOT have any surgery to remove the farting corn this morning! Wait, wait. Before you curse or knock yourself or start the car engine and speed towards my place to beat the crap out of me, hear me out first, okay???

While I was waiting for my turn, I repeatedly chanted to myself “There’s no pain. Only uncomfortable. No pain. Uncomfortable. No pain. Uncomfortable.” I went on and on and on, and even imagined that this no-pain-uncomfortable chant became a hit single in High School Musical 3 or Hairspray 2! LOL!

When my name was finally called, I approached the doctor’s room with an abnormal heartbeat and a body temperature of -1 (okay, so I exaggerated a lil’ bit, but damn, I felt so cold!) My eyes almost popped out when I met the doctor. I thought he was an Indian but he turned out to be a young white bloke! (judging from his accent, I’d say he’s an Aussie alright!)

Anyway, he was very good in explaining how corn forms at the bottom of our feet (eh, too scientific for me to explain it right now), and suggested that the long term solution to address my problem is to have a proper footwear. He added that he do provide custom made sole to specifically heal the corn and prevent it from growing back in the future, but…it comes with a hefty price, of course. It’ll cost me around RM800-RM900 per pair!

Opting for a laser surgery is alright, but still, the corn will pop right back if I do not wear proper shoes to balance the pressure on my feet. Anyway, he propped me up on the bed and I was already shivering with fear. I couldn’t help but stare at the surgical tools he took out! The moment he touched my left foot, I let out a little scream…he chuckled. Then he proceeded with getting rid of the small one on the left. Yes, I did that “eee…weee….ouch” thing, but hey, it wasn’t that bad!

Phew…now, for the big one. He said the infection has begun dissipate, so, he’ll just cut away the dead skin surrounding the corn. I think I made all kinds of noises! Thank God he shut the door earlier! There was a time where he cut off some dead skin and there wasn’t any pain actually, but still, I whimpered like a baby. He laughed and said “Got a lil’ bit of drama going on there, eh?”

Dammit. Another doctor said the same thing. Drama. Dramatic. Gosh! I think I am indeed a drama queen!!! The whole process took less than five minutes! He ended the scary session by putting on an antibiotic dressing for my foot. He also warned me that after three days, the corn will look really nasty. Sigh. But it wouldn’t hurt. So, I’ll have to see him again a month later for another merry scary go-round session with him! Oh, he’s cute anyway, so I don’t mind! LOL!!!

Hence, as of now…I don’t think I’ll go for a laser surgery…yet. He also said that I am now in the healing process and it will just heal over time. I guess I’ll come to a final decision after I meet him for a follow-up session a month later. And…I finally bought myself a pair of Hush Puppies shoes and some foot care stuff!

This morning, I got scared shitless. This morning, I got scared out of my wits. This morning, I had sweaty palms. This morning, I got goose bumps. This morning …was like doomsday. I thought I’ll be having the eenie minie surgery to remove the blardee corn from my right foot. Yes, it has gotten so bad (infected!) that I can no longer treat it with Duofilm. If that isn’t worse enough, there are TWO blardee corns growing out of my left foot. Dang!

When it was my turn, I walked into his consultation room. He looked up, frowned his eye brows, and I can almost see that there was a huge question mark on his head. The nurse said “Doctor, she’s the patient” and he was surprised (or was it shocked?) and quickly flipped over the file in front of him. “Oooh, so you are Perrin Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx”

Now I know why he had that look. My skin color doesn’t match with my given name, and he must have thought that I walked in by mistake. LOL! I explained to him about my condition with a really frightened face. He laughed at my nervousness, and checked my right foot. Yes, it was pretty bad, but his laser equipment is in his other clinic in Damansara. Dang!

He pressed the corn a little, and I freaked out and yelled “Wait, wait, what are you doing?!”. He laughed and said “You’re funny!” Then, he tried to peel off the dead skin, and I screamed in fear “Ouch! Wait! Wait!”. Yes, in fear, not in pain…yet. He laughed again and said “Come on, it’s just dead skin. Don’t be so dramatic la.” He told me to lean back on the seat and said he will just cut away the dead skin.

The word cut. Sounded damn scary. Tears began swelling in my eyes. I blinked furiously to prevent it from rolling down my chubby cheeks. So I waited while his nurse took something and handed him that thing. My eyes opened even wider when I saw he took out a shiny sharp blade. I shrieked. He calmed me down and assured me that it’s just dead skin. No pain. Okay. So, Round One. Ding ding! He carefully cut away the dead skin and I screamed in fear, no pain…yet. Round Two. Ding ding! He cut some more. This time I yelled in fear and pain…well, it wasn’t really that painful actually. Round Three. Ding ding! I screamed and said “Okay! Okay! Wait! Now that’s painful!”

He stopped and we both looked at the end result. Neat. He said it looked more like a wart than a corn. Fart. Then he said he’ll refer me to a foot specialist since I was so scared of pain. I think this other specialist have better (and less painful) treatment for me? He assured me that this doctor is very good and I should not worry. He also went to consult this foot expert when he himself had corns too!

So, he while he was writing a referral letter, I said “Uhm…doc, that is my right foot. Uhm…can you take a look at my left one?” He stopped, and took a look. “Oh dear! Those two are definitely corns!” I think my heart just sank. Dammit! Am I really that dramatic? Maybe. Coz’ I wailed and screamed even before anything happens! LOL! But when tomorrow comes…I will have to look into the mirror and repeatedly say “There is no pain. Only the feeling of…uncomfortable. Not pain. It’s uncomfortable. No pain. Uncomfortable. No pain. Uncomfortable…”

I hope the doctor will give me some sort of anaesthetic to knock me out before he does anything to my foot. Most likely I won’t be given that (coz’ this is not a major surgery), but I really, really, really hope that he could at least put me up with a strong dose of…laughing gas! It’s not a joke, okay! Google that and see what you get! Now, please do pray for me that he has at least a tank filled with laughing gas for me tomorrow.