PERRINATOR.COM

Ah yes…depression can sometimes be destructive or do wonders… or make you go on a shopping spree or go berserk on food. Well, this time, the temporary cure for it is to have a mamak and Spanish affair… (before you start thinking otherwise…) A mamak and Spanish FOOD affair with a bunch of chicas! LOL!

Well, there was a live jazz band playing yesterday at La Bodega (The Lounge, Bangsar) and I was accompanied by two equally crazy señoritas for the 9.30pm showcase. We arrived earlier than expected, so we hang around at Bangsar Village (OMG, I just LOVE the supermarket there!!!) and then…had our dinner at a mamak restaurant! Err, Hazel was the hungry one, and if we were to dine at La Bodega at 9pm, I think she’d probably faint.

** Imagine everything in slow-mo **
<** Hazel is fainting…she’s gonna hit the bricks… Swwoossshhh…oh, it’s a plane! Oh no, it’s a bird! Oh my, it’s Nik-The-Bf!! And he’s not wearing his underwear outside like Superman did. Saved Hazel in time and bring her to Happy Land…

Ehhh EHHH!! Apa ni? Come back! Oiii! Terbang balik sini! Don’t rampas her for our chicas outing! **>

I must say, I have not eaten mamak food for a very long time. So once we ordered our food, (mine’s Nasi Briyani with chicken) our dinner were served on banana leaves! I was being chided by these chicas for not being a true Malaysian because…I ate with a fork and a spoon instead of using my hands (I swear I saw that Indian waiter looking at me in a weird way. Perhaps he’s never seen a human pig eating with a fork and spoon) …and I skipped out on the spicy stuff and that weird-looking fried chilis. Hehehe…

Then we strolled along the Bangsar street, stumbled upon another Spanish restaurant (I’m definitely going to that one some other day!), went into a stationery store to buy some stuff, finally arrived at our destination…and I mistakenly led these chicas up to a Balinese spa! Oopss…my bad…my bad…didn’t look at the signboard properly. As we were seated on the couch near to the place where the band was supposed to be playing later on, we read the long, long and I mean really LONG list of Spanish food and drinks in the dimly-lit place…

Okay, Angela settled for Sangria, I went for a Mojito and Hazel ordered My Ex Virgin. LOL! What a name! But…I was pretty disappointed that they don’t serve nachos. I mean, come on! You gotta serve nachos in Spanish restaurants! Sigh…it took forever to finally decide on this food called errr…okay I forgot the name. Anyway, while waiting for the band to begin, we played Scrabbles. Good gracious, I can’t remember when was the last time I played Scrabbles! Of all the words we can build in the entire universe, the FIRST word that Angela managed to come out with was a NEGATIVE one…

R. U. I. N.

We took turns building the words…and I got stuck. So these wickedly helpful amigas helped me out…and it was totally ANGELA’s idea that she built this word for me:

Wha’? Still don’t get it? Well, a little photoshopping might help…

Though we all haven’t been playing Scrabbles for a long time, but I still remember some of the basic rules…such as, you can’t build words DIAGONALLY! Or if you were to stack them up on top of each other, the words must make sense! And you can’t build words like January or names of people or ABBREVIATIONS! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes, I said a lot of NOs to them.

“Eh no, you can’t build this!”

“Eh where got like that one?!”

<** A basket full of hot tapas and chilled alcoholic drinks and curry were thrown at Perrinator by two angry chicas..(Hey wait a minute, where does the curry come from?! LOL!) **>

Many rounds later, when I finally got a break during my turn, I built this word, and this word DOES EXIST in the English dictionary…

G.O.O.N. Ngiak Ngiak Ngiak!!

And then…when we came down to our last set of letters…we mixed around and tried to help each other out in making full use of the letters…and guess what? These witty ladies don’t give a rat’s ass about the Scrabbles’ rule and they came up with ‘words’ like this:

BEEZY. –> Oh. My. Kambing! Si Angela ni memang mabuk. BREEZY ada lar!

VH. –> Oh. My. Lembu! Ni siapa punya kerja? Hazel or Angela?

JK. –> Oh. My. Itik! Let’s see…Jangan Ketuk? Just Krap? Jantung Keras? Jaga Ketiak?

INC. –> Oh. My. Ayam! You can’t build abbreviation in Scrabbles!

PH. –> Oh. My. Otak!!! Ini kimia punya lesson! LOL!

Regardless…we had fun! Ohhh, it was waaaay after the scheduled time slot for the band to perform. So we played the childhood game that everyone knows…Donkey Card! And guess who lost TWICE in a row?

<** Drum rolls…thundering applause… **>

Señorita Angela!! LOL! And here’s her kind punishment.

It was almost 10.15pm when the band finally started playing. My, I was surprised at how well that dude sings. Unfortunately, the two chicas had to head back as it was late and they both gotta work the next day (well, I’m on a long CNY break ) Oh well, 15 minutes of live jazz wasn’t that bad! Ohhh, there’s a singles party on 24th February. So, if you’re single (even if you have a bf or a gf) and you’re NOT yet married, let’s hang out at this lounge again! There are games and prizes to be won!

<** Perrinator imagines winning a Grab-A-Hot-Spanish-Hunk game and the grand prize is an all-expense-paid trip to Spain for a month! Wohooo!!! **>

Thanks a lot chicas, for the great night out!

I’m back. And it’s too late to wish you all a Happy New Year. My apologies. Mine’s gonna be a Sad New Year. Or a Depressed New Year. Or a Shitty New Year. Gosh. I don’t know. Perrinator is supposed to be a funny machine. But I think most of my sense of humour has been terminated by a series of nasty events. So, forgive me if my blog is not as funny as it used to be. I’ll do my best to revive the joker in me. Well, let’s begin with this (less) dramatic incident that happened last month…

** A ‘Lan Yau Ying’ Song Playing In The Background **

** Wind howling, dry leaves flying, everything in slow motion… **

Armed with a Trembling Heart, a pair of Shaky Hands and a Nervous Nerve with no balls and no guts, she slowly marched into the Thou-Shall-Pull-Your-Tooth Clinic. She paced back and forth at the clinic’s front door, telling herself again and again that it’ll all be over soon, there’s nothing to fear, and this was one bloody painful problem that she could no longer delay. She composed herself, took a deep breath and…

** White pigeons flying **

Opened the door.

** Silence **

All she could hear was her own breathing. As if she’s gonna get an asthma attack. She forced a weak smile at the receptionist, Ah Neh, and told the Ah Neh that she’s here for the 3pm appointment with Dr. Doom. And so she waited. She kept thinking, well, giving birth is like 100 times more painful. Look at my friends who are mommies! They can survive such ordeal. And this? Well, it’s peanut. It’s nothing. It’s…

** Dr. Doom’s assistant called out her name, interrupting her motivational thoughts **

She took a long, long deep, deep breath, and walked in…

** Jaws Theme Playing In The Background, Slowly… **

Her eyeballs widen at the patient’s seat – it looked like an executioner’s chair. She almost choked with fear when she saw those horrifying, pointy, silver tools beside the chair.

Dr. Doom: “Hi! Have a seat. What seems to be the problem?”

Dr. Doom flashed her set of “sau ngah” teeth.

** The Jaws Theme Abruptly Screeched To A Stop**

Perrinator: “Hi doc. Oh, my tooth hurts a lot whenever I drink or eat. It’s been like this for over six months.”
Dr. Doom: “Okay, let’s take a look.”

** Jaws Theme Started Playing In The Background Again, This Time, Faster… **

Dr. Doom took some tools, told her to open her mouth and searched for the decayed tooth. She kept praying that there’ll be good news, like, “oh hey, good news, this tooth can be saved, no need to remove it, just a couple of tablets will do the trick.”

But hell no.

Dr. Doom: “Ops, looks like we’re gonna have to extract your tooth. It’s a decayed tooth.”

With the latest technology, Dr. Doom snapped a picture of my worthless tooth and showed me the ugly photo.

Dr. Doom: “See this? This is a huge hole, and your gum has grown into that hole, which is why you felt extreme pain when water or food passes that tooth.”

A tear almost escaped from her eyes. All hope was lost. With a trembling voice, she asked, “Doc, are you sure there’s no other way to save it? Like do a filling or something?”

Dr. Doom snapped at her and said, “Are you the dentist or am I?”

And with that…she braced herself for the worst experience that she’ll have… well, you can’t blame her. She hasn’t visit a dentist for over 15 years.

Perrinator: “Wait, wait, wait…just…gimme a minute.”

She took several long deep breaths, convinced herself again that giving birth was 100 times more painful, and that all this will be over in a few minutes. But then she saw this very huge, familiar tool on the other table and asked the assistant, “Ahahaha…that’s NOT for me right?” The assistant only gave a smile and chuckled, “YES, it’s for YOU”. She froze with horror, and thought her heart dropped somewhere on the cold floor. She shifted uneasily on the chair, clenched both her fists to stop them from trembling, did her almighty best to control her tears and said, “Okay, I’m ready.”

** Jaws Theme Playing Louder and Faster In The Background **

Dr. Doom began the extraction procedure…put a pair of darkglasses over the terrified patient…wiped some pink, gel-like stuff on the rotten tooth…and then…she closed her eyes and kept chanting in her heart…”Giving birth is more painful! Giving birth is more painful! Giving birth is more painful! Giving birth is more painful!”

Holliee baloney!!! She felt a sudden sharp pain (that’s when the dentist injected her with local anesthesia) and she fought hard to hold back her tears. Seconds later, Dr. Doom began pulling out the tooth.

Perrinator: “Aww…awwwwww…aittttt (wait). Ah sink he oca aven’t ork et (I think the local haven’t work yet).

Dr. Doom then injected a second round of local anesthesia. This time, she was too numbed with fear that she doesn’t really felt that sharp pain again. After a few seconds, Dr. Doom did a quick check and press on the gum and the tooth.

Dr. Doom: “Is this painful? And this? And this?”

She shook her head.

Dr. Doom: “Okay, let’s do this…”

** Jaws Theme Was Playing So Loud In The Background, She Was Almost Deaf **

The dentist began the extraction process and it seems like an eternity before the entire procedure was over. Somehow that bloody tooth was so difficult to extract (it’s not the WISDOM tooth) that the assistant had to hold my head still as the dentist swung left and right, up and down to pull it out. The fear was overwhelming and she almost had a heart attack. Seriously.

When it was finally over…

FART. WHY. IT. TOOK. FOREVER. TO. GET. IT. OUT!

** A Beautiful Song Started Playing Harmoniously…And There’s Bright Light Everywhere **

She gargled and spat all the blood and saliva into the sink. She couldn’t talk. The dentist had inserted a gauze into her mouth for her to bite on. During the ordeal, only one tear escaped from her tired eyes. And yes, she was proud that she did not cry a river. Come on, how OLD is she now? LOL!

And she suffered for almost a month due to her extraordinarily slow recovery and lived through another phase of shitty life, forever and ever…

Amen.

I mean, THE END.